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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818718">Burying Your Demons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bombshellblonde/pseuds/bombshellblonde'>bombshellblonde</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mickey the Gallagher [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shameless (US)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, mickey gets closure, talk about kids</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:54:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bombshellblonde/pseuds/bombshellblonde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Mickey the Gallagher series, right after the Liam chapter. Mickey gets the call that sets him free.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mickey the Gallagher [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622866</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>251</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ian came home from work and smiled at Liam and Mickey playing GTA loudly and enthusiastically in the living room of the house.</p><p>“You little cheater” Mickey accused, throwing his controller onto the couch Liam laughed and raised his hands in victory.</p><p>“Don’t be a sore loser Milkovich.” The younger Gallagher said, giving Mickey a little shove.</p><p>“Yeah don’t be a sore loser Mick.” Ian echoed, coming up behind his husband and slinging an arm around his shoulder.</p><p>“Damn didn’t even hear you come in.” Mickey said, turning his head to kiss Ian on the cheek. “You get off work early?”</p><p>Ian raised his eyebrow at his husband. “Babe it's 10pm I’m almost an hour late because of the train.”</p><p>“Oh crap it is?” Liam asked, looking at his watch. “We must have lost track of time.”</p><p>“How long have you guys been playing for?” Ian asked, moving his arms so that he was holding Mickey by the waist from behind. Mickey fell into it naturally, leaning back against Ian’s chest.</p><p>“Three hours I think.” Mickey casually said, “Give or take.”</p><p>“I gotta get to bed, want to try and see Eli tomorrow. Waiting til Monday is for chumps.”</p><p>“Good thinkin kid.” Mickey said with a little smirk, he and Liam exchanged a handshake and Liam went up stairs to go to bed.</p><p>“Do I wanna know who Eli is?” Ian asked, turning Mickey around in his arms. Mickey put his arms around Ian’s neck and gave his husband a small kiss.</p><p>“Little man has a crush on a kid at school.” Mickey answered simply.</p><p>“Oh.” Ian said, taking a moment to process that information. “And Eli is a boys name.”</p><p>“Catch that did ya?” Mickey teased. “You sure you actually passed all those AP classes in high school?”</p><p>“Fuck you.” Ian said with a little chuckle. “Good for Liam. Now can we go to bed please?”</p><p>“Yeah man, been a long day.” Mickey agreed</p><p>They went through the process of turning lights off and locking the doors downstairs then Mickey took Ian’s hand and guided him up the stairs.</p><p>“Franny sleeping over at Lips place tonight?” Ian asked as the two men stripped down to their boxers before climbing into bed.</p><p>“Yeah he finished Fred’s room and got a blow up mattress for her, said he wanted Fred to bond with Little Red.” Mickey said, pulling back the covers and climbing into bed. He immediately made grabby hands for his husband.</p><p>“Come here.” </p><p>Ian chuckled. “Someone’s clingy tonight.” He said, sliding into bed and pulling Mickey against his chest. Mickey hummed and snuggled into Ian’s side, burrowing his face into the red heads neck.</p><p>“You compainin?” Mickey asked, Ian kissed the top of his head. </p><p>“Never.” Ian whispered. He was content to close his eyes and let sleep take them when one of their phones started ringing.</p><p>“Ignore it.” Mickey muttered into his skin. </p><p>“Can’t, it could be work.” Ian said, reaching to the nightstand and answering the phone before looking at it.</p><p>“Hello? No this is his husband..shit Hi Iggy.” Ian said, he tapped Mickey’s shoulder and handed him the phone.</p><p>“Sorry it was yours.”</p><p>Mickey huffed and took the phone. “What do you want asshole?” Mickey asked in a grumpy voice. Ian chuckled at his tone then in a second he saw all of the color drain from his husband’s face and he got instantly concerned.</p><p>Mickey sat up and Ian started to get worried. He sat up as well and put a hand on Mickey’s lower back.</p><p>“Yeah, thanks Iggy. Just let me know what you do with him. Yeah, bye.” Mickey hung up the phone and handed it back to Ian. Ian took it and put it back on the nightstand .</p><p>“Mick?” Ian asked softly, gently rubbing circles on Mickey’s back. “What was that about?”</p><p>“Uh...he’s dead.” Mickey finally breathed out. He turned to face his husband, a conflicted look on his face. “Terry’s dead. They pulled the plug today.”</p><p>“Oh Mick.” Ian said, scooting closer and bringing his hand up to the base of Mickey’s neck. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah” Mickey said, unconvincingly. “Yeah it’s great I’m great.”</p><p>“Mickey” Ian said softly. “This is a big deal. It’s overwhelming and it’s okay to feel it.”</p><p>Mickey felt a sob bubbling up in his throat and he didn’t hold it back, collapsing into his husband's side and holding him tightly. Ian gladly took Mickey into his arms and ran his fingers through his raven hair.</p><p>“I’m free” Mickey said between sobs, he looked up at Ian, putting a hand on his cheek. </p><p>“No more looking over our shoulders, no more flinching when a shitty car on the street backfires. No more fuckin nightmares about him burning this house down with the kids inside. It’s over. He’s gone, we’re safe. We’re free.” Mickey smiled at his husband and started to let the tears fall freely. </p><p>“Yeah babe we’re free.” Ian said, pressing their foreheads together and smiling at his tear stained partner's face. </p><p>“Iggy’s gonna let me know if they bury or burn him.”</p><p>“So we know whether to piss on his grave or dump him down the toilet?” Ian asked with a little smile, which made Mickey let out half a chuckle.</p><p>“Knew I married you for a reason.” Mickey said, nuzzling into his husband's neck. Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey and kissed his neck, breathing his scent in deeply.</p><p>They fell asleep that night holding each other tightly.</p><p>---</p><p>The next morning they stood hand in hand, on the street outside of the Milkovich home.</p><p>“We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready.” Ian reminded his husband, squeezing his hand. Mickey took a deep breath.</p><p>“I left a lot of stuff behind there that I never asked Sandy to look for. I don’t know if he kept any but I want pictures of my mom. Pictures of Mandy and me as kids. Like literally anything that I can’t just buy at a store.”</p><p>Ian nodded and squeezed Mickey’s hand. “We’ll stand here as long as you need.”</p><p>“It’s not a haunted house. I was here a few months ago, the day you proposed. The first time.” Mickey said, though his feet remained firmly planted on the sidewalk.</p><p>“Then let’s go in. Lets go through your old room, get your stuff. I’ll even see if any of Mandy’s things are left laying around.” Ian tugged on Mickey’s arm. “He’s gone Mick. It’s safe.”</p><p>Mickey let out another breath and nodded.</p><p>They entered the Milkovich house and both of them were struck by how quiet it was. It was never exactly as alive and bustling as the Gallagher home but the silence felt significant.</p><p>“Sandy was crashing in my old room, said she didn’t move much around or change anything” Mickey said, opening the door to said room. He walked in and started looking around the dresser for any of his things and Ian stood stock still in the doorframe, staring at the queen size bed.</p><p>Ian’s whole body felt frozen, his feet planted on the spot. Suddenly all the air felt sucked out of the room.</p><p>Mickey looked over his shoulder and caught sight of his husband’s still face.</p><p>“Ian?” He asked softly. “What’s goin on?”</p><p>Ian swallowed and tried to push past all the feelings he was having as he looked into a room he used to consider his, a bed he used to consider theirs.</p><p>“I uh...I haven’t been back in this room since...fuck since I took Yevgeny.” Ian said breathlessly, feeling like all the wind had been knocked out of him. “Shit that feels like another lifetime.”</p><p>Mickey’s face dropped as the weight of Ian’s words settled over him. He walked over then and held Ian’s face in his hands. </p><p>“Hey, hey just take a breath okay. You’re alright, we’re alright. And you’re right, that was a whole different life. We were different people.”</p><p>Ian let out a shaky breath and locked eyes with his husband, feeling his heart swell at the look Mickey was giving him.</p><p>“Fuck I’m sorry. Today is supposed to be about you, how you feel.” Ian said, holding Mickey’s hips. Mickey shook his head.</p><p>“Fuck that, Terry fucked with your life too, this shit hole has bad memories for both of us.” Mickey said. Ian gazed into Mickey’s beautiful blue eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly then rest their foreheads against each other.</p><p>“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize enough for what I put you through here.” Ian said, letting tears fall. </p><p>“I fucking ruined us here. Starting with the fucking sleepover where I forgot to lock the door. And then when I..fuck when I did what I did. When I ran away I ruined everything.”</p><p>Mickey shook his head again and wiped Ian’s tears. “We both broke us. We both forgot to lock the door. Yeah your bipolar made things hard but don’t act like I was the perfect partner in all that. We both fucked up before but, hey, look.”</p><p>Mickey took Ian’s left hand and held it up next to his own. “Look at those fuckin rings. We fixed us too. We fuckin won, man. I mean it took you a few tries but you figured out the whole proposal thing eventually remember?”</p><p>Ian let out a small huff of a laugh and gathered Mickey in his arms, both of them letting their tears soak into each others shoulders. They pulled away after a few minutes and wiped each other's tears. </p><p>“Okay let’s get your stuff and get out of here what do you say?” Ian asked. Mickey nodded and kissed his husband’s cheek before going back into their old room and looking around for more of his things. </p><p> </p><p>----</p><p>They managed to get a few bags worth of Mickey and Mandy’s things from the house. Sandy had practically already moved in to the Gallagher place so almost none of her things were there.</p><p>They carried the bags back to the Gallagher house and put them in their bedroom. After feeding the kids dinner and making sure lunches were ready for school the next day they got into bed and Mickey opened one of the bags, pulling out a shoebox he found hidden behind Mandy’s old dresser. It was marked ‘Mandy’s shit, keep out’.</p><p>“Please don’t let this be porn or a vibrator or something.” Mickey said, tearing the tape holding the sides closed. </p><p>“Please like Mandy would hide her porn.” Ian said with a little laugh as he climbed on the bed. </p><p>“Here wait.” he said, shifting them so that he was behind Mickey, legs on either side of him, completely enveloping his husband.</p><p>“You good now?” Mickey teased, making no effort to get out of Ian’s arms, even settling more comfortably against his chest. He opened the box and saw that it was filled with pictures and scraps of paper with doodles all over them.</p><p>“Holy shit” Mickey breathed, picking up a few of the pictures. They were print outs from a shitty disposable camera. His mom was always picking them up from the drug store when Mickey was little. </p><p>He held one of the pictures up and felt his eyes getting watery. “This is uh...Ian this is my mom.”</p><p>Ian gazed at the picture of a pale brunette woman holding two small children in her arms, all of them laughing like they had just been told the funniest joke in the world.</p><p>“That's uh, that's me on the left and that’s Mandy on the right. Iggy must’ve taken this.” Mickey said, clearing his throat to try and speak clearly.</p><p>“Fuck” Ian whispered, his fingers rubbing small soothing circles on Mickey’s arm. “I’ve never seen you that little before. You must have been what, three? Four?”</p><p>“Something like that.” Mickey said. “We didn’t have a lot of great days like this after that. But..my mom was so funny. I always remembered her being funny.”</p><p>“She was beautiful too.” Ian said “That’s where you and Mandy get your good looks from for sure.”</p><p>Mickey smiled and looked at his husband. “You callin me beautiful?” he asked softly, teasingly. But Ian just touched Mickey’s cheek gently and smiled.</p><p>“Every day.” He whispered and they kissed softly. Mickey turned back to the box and pulled out another picture of him and Mandy playing with a hose in their front yard.</p><p>“Do you want one?” He asked as he gazed at the two laughing children in the picture.</p><p>“The pictures? No Mickey they’re yours, we’ll put them in an album or something. Maybe back them up on the computer.” Ian said, adjusting his hold on his husband.</p><p>“Not the fuckin pictures.” Mickey said with a little laugh. “But, yeah let’s do all that. I meant a kid.”</p><p>Ian’s eyes wend wide. “Do I want a kid? What like now?”</p><p>Mickey nodded. “Well, soon yeah. We can start looking into what it takes to adopt maybe.”</p><p>Ian tightened his grip on Mickey, feeling his heart practically about to burst with excitement. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Fuck yeah I’m sure. I wanna have kids with you. Why wait right?” Mickey asked.</p><p>Ian kissed Mickey’s neck and held his husband tightly against his chest, “Then yeah, let’s get a kid.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lily</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mickey wants Ian to meet his mom</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This isn't one of my best, so sorry about that but here it is!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Morning.” Mickey said to Ian as he saw his husband come in the back door, all sweaty in his workout clothes. “Iggy just called” Mickey said, putting his phone on the kitchen counter.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Ian asked, grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge and taking a huge swig. “What did dear old brother have to say today?” He asked with a smirk. </p><p>Mickey poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter to drink it.</p><p>“County finally got around to burnin Terry up. Asked if we wanted to go pick up the ashes together and do something with them.” Mickey said, watching his husband pace around the kitchen with some too familiar nervous energy,</p><p>“It’s been like three fuckin weeks how many dead guys did they have to burn this month?” Ian asked before finishing off the bottle of water.</p><p>“Fuck if I know, what should we do?” Mickey asked and Ian shrugged.</p><p>“I mean do we have to do anything?” Ian asked, putting down the empty bottle and putting his arms on either side of his husband on the counter.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Mickey asked. He put down his coffee and put his arms around Ian’s shoulders.</p><p>“I mean what if we just don’t do anything? What if we just leave him there?” Ian said, leaning down and starting to trail soft kisses down Mickey’s neck.</p><p>“Just don’t pick up the box? Can we do that like legally?” Mickey asked, squirming away from his husband’s lips. Ian sighed but pulled back to look at Mickey seriously.</p><p>“Yeah, people go unclaimed all the time. You don’t owe him anything. The box will probably sit around for a while then the county will get rid of him.” Ian explained and Mickey’s fingers found their way into Ian’s sweaty hair, absent midetly twisting it in his fingers.</p><p>“Huh, yeah good point. Fuck it then, I’ll tell my brothers not to bother. Let the man sit in a box alone for the rest of time. Feels like a fitting end for him.”</p><p>“Mmm more than.” Ian agreed, leaning in to give Mickey a soft kiss, which Mickey returned, then tugged on Ian’s hair just enough to get his attention.</p><p>“You were already on your run when I woke up, what time did you get up?” Mickey asked, Ian sighed.</p><p>“Uh like five, five thirty.” Ian said, trying to avoid the concerned gaze his husband was aiming in his direction.</p><p>“You take your meds yet?” Mickey asked and Ian scrunched his nose which Mickey knew meant no. </p><p>“Ian” he said in an accusatory tone.</p><p>“I just haven’t eaten yet.” Ian rationalized putting his hands up innocently, “I was running until just now.”</p><p>“Well then sit your ass down while I make pancakes.” Mickey said and Ian sighed but didn’t fight him on it. Mickey turned to the cabinets and started pulling out everything he needed and Ian went to sit on a stool at the counter. Mickey grabbed Ian’s daily pill box from the cabinet (out of reach of Franny Fred and Frank) and put it on the counter in front of him.</p><p>“Love you worried husband.” Ian said, pulling the pill box closer and propping his chin on his hand </p><p>“Love you too.” Mickey muttered, looking up from the bowl to give his husband a sly smile. They just looked at each other for a second before bursting into a laugh, all of the mornings heavy tension suddenly gone. </p><p>---</p><p>Later in the day Ian was on the couch in the living room on his computer doing research when Mickey came down the stairs slowly and approached his husband from behind.</p><p>“Hey” Mickey said, leaning over the couch. Ian closed the laptop quickly and turned to look at Mickey. “Sorry were you working or something?”</p><p>“No it’s nothing what’s up?” Ian asked, putting a hand on Mickey’s arm. </p><p>“I uh...I wanted to visit my moms grave?” Mickey said and Ian tilted his head.</p><p>“Is that a question?” Ian asked.</p><p>“Huh? No I, I do want to visit her grave. I wanted to know if you want to come with me so you can like...meet her? I guess? I don’t know.”</p><p>Ian smiled wide at his confused looking husband then got up and went to grab his keys. “I’d love to meet your mom Mick. Should we stop and get flowers or something?”</p><p>Mickey cracked a smile when Ian agreed and followed him to the door. “Yeah sure. Her name was Lily so maybe some lilies?”</p><p>“Aw Mick.” Ian said, putting his arm around his husband's shoulder as they walked down the stairs of the porch. “Is that why you wanted Stargazer Lilies at the wedding?”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up.” Mickey said with a blush, leaning into Ian’s side.</p><p>They stopped at a flower shop on the way to the cemetery and got some nice white Lilies and Mickey held Ian’s hand tight as they walked up to his mom’s headstone. </p><p>It was just a small rectangle of stone set into the ground, if you were two feet away you wouldn’t even see it. It was the cheapest thing the cemetery offered at the time. Mickey got on his knees when they got to her and started to gently clean the weeds away.</p><p>“Hey Mom, sorry I haven’t been by in a while.” Mickey said.</p><p>Ian knelt down next to him and helped brush the rest of the weeds away from the stone. He dug out the in ground vase next to it and gently placed the flowers they brought in it.</p><p>“He’s been a little all over the place Mrs. Milkovich.” Ian said with a small smile, which Mickey returned. They sat back on the ground and rested their elbows on their knees, Mickey leaned into Ian’s side. </p><p>“He’s not wrong.” Mickey said, putting a hand on Ian’s knee. “Mom I want you to meet someone, this is my husband Ian.”</p><p>Ian beamed and pulled Mickey just a little closer. </p><p>“Nice to meet you Mrs. Milkovich. You should know I love your son very much and that he’s an incredible man. He’s a loving husband who takes care of me and I’m thinking a lot of that is because of you.”</p><p>Mickey smiled at his husbands words and rubbed his eyes when he started to feel them sting. </p><p>“She uh...she knew.” Mickey said softly.</p><p>“She knew what Mick?” Ian asked, turning his head just a little. </p><p>“About me. She knew I was gay.” Mickey said with a shrug. “She saw how Terry suspected it, she protected me, did what she could when I was too young to know better.”</p><p>“Oh Mick.” Ian said, his breath catching in his throat. He blinked back tears of his own and he turned to look at the gravestone again. </p><p>“Thank you.” He said to it, to her. “Thank you for this fucking incredible man.”</p><p>They sat there for an hour, holding each other and telling Mickey’s mom stories. They told her Terry was dead and wouldn’t be bothering them anymore. They told her about the wedding and all the other interesting stories from their relationship. </p><p>Mickey told Ian some more stories about his happiest memories of his mom while Ian listened intently, Then they told her that they had started talking about having kids and Mickey let some tears fall as Ian held him tight.</p><p>The sun started to go down eventually and they agreed it was time to go. Mickey leaned down and touched his moms headstone.</p><p>“We’ll be back to visit real soon mom. Promise it won’t take as long as last time.” He said quietly.</p><p>“I’ll take good care of him Mrs. M.” Ian told her, squeezing Mickey’s hand in his own. </p><p>They both stood and wrapped their arms around each other, Mickey on Ian’s waist and Ian around Mickey’s shoulders and they started their walk back home.</p><p>“That was nice.” Ian said sincerely. “I really feel like I got to know her, got to know you a little better too.”</p><p>“Yeah, it was nice to visit her again.” Mickey agreed, letting his fingers trace small circles on Ian’s lower back as they walked.</p><p>“You know it got me thinking, you never actually met Monica did you?” Ian asked. </p><p>Mickey shook his head. “Don’t think so, her hurricane usually blew in when I wasn’t around. Except for that first time. Kind of her fault I got shot if you think about it.” He said, trying to make a joke out of it.</p><p>Ian smirked and tightened his grip on Mickey’s shoulders. “Maybe we can do this with her sometime. I’d like her to meet you too.”</p><p>Mickey stopped them in their tracks and looked up at his sweet husband. “Yeah let’s do that sometime.” He said, leaning in to give Ian a small kiss.</p><p>------</p><p>Later that night after dinner and bedtime with the kids, Ian had a shift at the call center so Mickey decided to keep himself occupied and see how much a nicer headstone for his mom would cost.</p><p>He grabbed the shared family laptop and settled into bed. He opened it up and saw that the browser was still open on a search for ‘Likelihood of being rejected by adoption agencies’</p><p>Mickey scrunched his brow and looked at the rest of the recent searches</p><p>‘How many times can you apply to adopt’</p><p>‘Likelihood of felons getting a kid’</p><p>Mickey sighed and closed the computer. Fuck, Ian was way more worried about this then Mickey thought. He made a mental note to talk to his husband about it when he got home from work.</p><p>He put the computer on the ground and pulled Ian’s pillow close, taking a deep breath from it and trying to calm down.</p><p>It’s times like this he really missed his mom.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. High Highs Low Lows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Still using this as a gap filler story for Brother In Law. This is the night before all the Fiona chapters kick off. </p><p>Also if you like both Shameless and Podcasts stream The Luck We Had (A Shameless Recap Podcast) on Apple Pod, Spotify, stitcher, SoundCloud or YouTube!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW Suicidal thoughts and actions are discussed in this chapter</p><p>Also if you like both Shameless and Podcasts stream The Luck We Had (A Shameless Recap Podcast) on Apple Pod, Spotify, stitcher, SoundCloud or YouTube!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mickey learned a long time ago that he couldn’t accuse Ian of having manic or depressive episodes every time his husband seemed stressed out or upset. Because all that would do is stress Ian out more and make both of their nights shitty, mania or not.</p><p>And it’s not like Ian being stressed out was unwarranted right now, because Mickey too. </p><p>Last week, after Debbie got home from prison, DCFS came by to make sure she and Franny were stable and that the arrangement shift back from Ian and Mickey being primary caregivers to Debbie was working out well. </p><p>And while they were at the house they told Ian and Mickey that their visit to possibly become foster parents would be sometime in the next few days. </p><p>So yeah, Ian had been up early and running more frequently and spending a little bit more time researching on his computer than usual but his med schedule was the same, their sex life hadn’t changed much and he wasn’t acting too out of the ordinary otherwise.</p><p>So Mickey trusted his husband to be honest with him about how he was feeling, he wasn’t going to push anything and end up in a fight.</p><p>So this morning, when he woke up to an empty bed for the third day this week, he just rolled over, took a big inhale of his husbands pillow, then decided to get on with the day.</p><p>-----</p><p>By the time Ian got home from his run, Mickey had already brewed some coffee and was in the middle of a batch of french toast for the both of them. </p><p>The rest of the house was blissfully quiet, Liam was already off to school with the poptart and bagged lunch Mickey had set out for him the night before. Debbie was at work and Sandy offered to spend the day at the park with Franny. Lip was finally full time at his new place now that it was mostly liveable and Carl had early morning training.</p><p>It was the one day a week Ian and Mickey both had off and Mickey was looking forward to having the house to themselves for a few hours. So when he heard his husband come in through the front door he paused his podcast and flipped their french toast onto a plate.</p><p>“Hey” Ian greeted him, pulling out one of his own earbuds and kissing Mickey on the cheek. “Morning hot stuff.”</p><p>Mickey smirked and casually grabbed Ian’s pillbox from the same cabinet as the mugs and set them both down on the counter.</p><p>“Good run this morning?” Mickey asked. Ian nodded and sat at the counter, subtly avoiding looking at the pill containers. Mickey handed him the plate of French toast and some silverware.</p><p>“Yeah did like eight miles? Sunrise was really nice.” Ian said, taking the food, still not looking at his pillbox.</p><p>“You are sticking to the better lit parts of the neighborhood right?” Mickey asked, pouring their coffees. “You know I hate you out in the dark so early.”</p><p>“Mick I’m a big boy who grew up in the shitty, poorly lit parts of the neighborhood.” Ian said, taking the mug offered to him.</p><p>“Well fuckin sue me for not wanting my husband to get hate-crimed at the ass crack of dawn.” Mickey said, finally deciding to stop being subtle. </p><p>“You want water for your pills or is the coffee okay?”</p><p>Ian took a second to respond, like he was hoping Mickey wouldn’t bring up his meds so they could keep ignoring them. But he quickly folded. </p><p>“Coffee’s fine.” Ian said. Then he opened the little day marked tab on the weekly container, scooped up the pills and took them in one swallow with his coffee.</p><p>Mickey let his shoulders relax a little and took a sip of his own coffee. </p><p>Okay, good. He’s still not fighting his meds. Everything’s fine.</p><p>Mickey heard the flap of the mailslot from the front and handed Ian his plate of French toast too.</p><p>“Put this at the table I hate eating at the counter. Just gonna grab the mail.”</p><p>Ian nodded and moved everything to the kitchen table while Mickey went to the front and grabbed the mail.</p><p>“Lets see” Mickey said, flipping through it while he walked back to the kitchen. “Junk mail, junk mail. Coupons, I’ll clip those later. Gas bill...oh fuck.”</p><p>“What is it?” Ian asked. Mickey threw the rest of the mail on the table and sat down, holding a letter in his hand.</p><p>“Something from DCFS, addressed to us.” Mickey said, showing it to Ian, then opening it.</p><p>“Oh, well it’s probably them just confirming our appointment or something.” Ian said, his voice calm but his hands giving him away as they nervously tapped the table.</p><p>“Yeah maybe.” Mickey said, pulling the letter out and looking at it. “Dear Mister and Mister Gallagher-Milkovich, thank you for your application but we regret to inform you...what the fuck?”</p><p>“What is it?” Ian asked, grabbing the paper from Mickey’s hands. </p><p>“They rejected us. Fucking cancelled our appointment and rejected us flat out.” Mickey said, feeling anger bubble up in his chest.</p><p>“This has to be some kind of mistake.” Ian said, remaining the level headed man Mickey knew him to be. “That woman...Barbara right? That Barbara woman told us we were going to have an appointment in like two days. This must be a mixup. You have her number don’t you?”</p><p>Mickey nodded, trying to remain calm. “Yeah...yeah paperwork gets fucked up all the time. I’ll just call her.”</p><p>Mickey went to the counter and grabbed his phone, he dialed Barbara and got her right away.</p><p>“Hey this is Mickey Gallagher-Milkovich calling. Listen my husband and I just got this weird letter and we are a little confused….Uh-huh. Yeah it says our appointment has been cancelled?”</p><p>Ian turned in his seat and watched Mickey pace as he spoke on the phone.</p><p>“What do you mean we don’t meet the requirements? We were perfectly fine to foster our niece. I don’t see why this would be…”</p><p>“Mick what are they saying?” Ian asked and Mickey shook his head as he listened to the woman on the other end.</p><p>“Yeah...uh huh. Okay thanks.” Mickey hung up the phone and went to sit back at the table.</p><p>“Well what did she say?” Ian asked.</p><p>“She said basically gay ex convicts fresh off parole are bottom of the list for potential foster parents.” Mickey said, rubbing his eyebrow in frustration.</p><p>“Oh...fuck.” Ian said, leaning back in his chair, his shoulders falling.</p><p>“Yeah. She was actually really nice, she seemed to think it was bullshit too.” Mickey said. He took in Ian’s defeated look and leaned forward, taking his husband's hand and trying to talk in a reassuring tone.</p><p>“Hey, she said the gay thing was not the big issue, it was more the fresh off parole thing. She said we should wait a few months and reapply.”</p><p>Ian nodded and clutched at Mickey’s hand. “And that was it? The gay thing and the parole thing? They didn’t mention...”</p><p>“No.” Mickey cut him off. He reached over to touch Ian’s cheek softly. “It’s not because of your bipolar. She didn’t even bring that up.”</p><p>Just the mention of the possibility made Ian’s eyes tear up and his voice break a little when he asked. “You promise?”</p><p>“I promise.” Mickey replied, leaning in to kiss Ian’s forehead. “I swear she didn’t even mention it.”</p><p>Ian nodded and squeezed his husband's hand. He took a big calming breath and let his whole body relax back in his chair.</p><p>“C’mon let’s eat so your meds don’t fuck up your stomach.” Mickey said, leaning back and starting to dig into his own food.</p><p>Ian took a second and Mickey tried not to stare too hard in concern, but eventually Ian took a breath and started digging into his breakfast.</p><p>---</p><p>After breakfast Mickey was feeling sad and overprotective and Ian was still kind of quiet and seemed down. So, Mickey suggested that they shower together. </p><p>Another thing he had learned about the frustrating man he loved over the years was that he kind of had to trick Ian into letting people take care of him. He had to make Ian believe that he was the one doing the helping, which in this case he really was. </p><p>Because even though Mickey immediately snapped into caretaker mode as soon as they got the news, he was upset too. Fucking crushed actually, he was really looking forward to maybe being a dad. All those months taking care of Franny and Liam really made him think he could do it right this time. He knows that if they get a kid, he and Ian will be great dads. </p><p>Fucking homophobic ass system. </p><p>But for now he had to be a husband and that was something he knew how to do.</p><p>“Mick I’m sorry I’m really not in the mood.” Ian said as he stripped off his running clothes in the upstairs bathroom.</p><p>“As tempting as your naked body is, I’m not gonna jump you.” Mickey said, pulling off his own clothes. “Just wanna spend some time with my husband. That okay with you?”</p><p>Ian actually seemed to smile at that and nodded. They both finished getting undressed and got into the shower. When they did share showers and weren’t fucking, they typically washed themselves, just enjoying being near eachother.</p><p>But today was different, today Mickey needed to be touched. So he held up their shared shampoo bottle between them.</p><p>“I do you you do me?” He suggested. And Ian agreed with a nod again, still acting quiet and shy. Mickey squirted shampoo into both his and Ian’s hands then they started soaping up each other's hair.</p><p>After a few minutes of just running their fingers through each other's hair and sharing the space Ian finally spoke again.</p><p>“I really wanted to be a dad with you.” He said in a quiet voice. Mickey tried not to make a big deal about the lump suddenly stuck in his throat.</p><p>“We will be.” Mickey assured him, scratching just behind Ian’s ear. “It’s just gonna take a little bit longer.”</p><p>They were both quiet for few minutes, just rinsing their heads and washing each others chests.</p><p>“I don’t know if what I’m feeling right now is just being sad or if I’m slipping.” Ian said quietly. And Mickey took a second to process that, helped Ian rinse off, and reached behind him to turn off the water. He reached up and touched Ian’s cheek gently.</p><p>“How about we spend the day in bed? Watch some shitty TV and order crap food?”</p><p>Mickey helped Ian out and they both dried off as Ian considered the offer.</p><p>“Doesn’t anyone need us for anything?” Ian asked, and again Mickey realized he’d have to work a little harder to get Ian to accept the care he needed.</p><p>“Nah everyone’s good today. I’ll text Phillip and little Red to make sure Liam gets picked up and fed. I just miss you man, please spend the day in bed with me?”</p><p>Mickey turned on his sad eyes that he knew would make Ian smile that small smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle just a little bit. And it worked, Ian smiled and nodded in agreement.</p><p>“Yeah okay Mick, that sounds great.”</p><p>And so that’s what they did.</p><p>Mickey let everyone know they needed to be left alone for the day unless it was an actual emergency and they all agreed. Lip even checked in, because just like Mickey, he has learned the signs to look for in Ian and trial and error have taught him when to tread lightly. But Mickey assured everyone that they just needed time to themselves. </p><p>And miracle of miracles, the Gallaghers listened, and agreed to give them the day off.</p><p>They spent the day in bed, they napped together and watched a shitty movie on Netflix and Mickey ordered in a Pizza that they ate in bed, keeping it like a little bubble they didn’t want to break. </p><p>Even when he had to get up to answer the door, the family now home, they all stayed out of his way.</p><p>After everyone at the house was quiet and in bed they even had sex. </p><p>Mickey wrapped his legs around Ian’s waist and kissed him fiercely. Ian held Mickey in his arms and fucked him gently, as small and quiet as they ever got. Mickey would even admit that this is what making love felt like. Safe and warm and loved, wrapped in his husband's arms.</p><p>Ian whispered “I Love You” in Mickeys ear as he came.</p><p>“I love you too.” Mickey answered firmly. “I fucking love you so much Ian.”</p><p>They held each other as they came down from the high, breathing heavily and trying not to stick to each other with their sweat.</p><p>“I’ll go get a towel” Ian said, starting to sit up. He stopped before standing and gave Mickey a soft, sort of sad look.</p><p>“I really love you you know.”</p><p>Mickey was blissed out and sleepy and happy, he took Ian’s palm and kissed it. “Yeah I know.” he said with a smile.</p><p>Ian got up and walked into the bathroom, intending to just grab a towel to clean himself and his husband up. </p><p>He leaned down to grab one from the shelf and caught a glimpse of the pink eyebrow razor with Debbie’s stuff, it was shitty and cheap and the plastic safety guard came off last week, she hadn’t had a chance to replace it.</p><p>Suddenly everything felt like tunnel vision. Ian felt the weight of the world come crashing down on his chest and had to sit down on the bathroom floor, standing suddenly feeling impossible.</p><p>He didn’t deserve this life.</p><p>He didn’t deserve a husband who would lay in bed and take care of him all day.</p><p>He was a fucking failure,everyone thought so. No one was ever going to give him a kid. He was going to keep Mickey from ever becoming a dad and Mickey fucking deserved to be a dad, he would make the best fucking dad.</p><p>It would all be easier of Ian was gone, it would all be easier if he wasn’t holding Mickey back.</p><p>Before Ian even realized what he was doing, the blade had done it’s job, he hadn’t even felt it. Then the blood started flowing, and it was like being hit with ice water.</p><p>“Oh fuck. Oh no fuck…” Ian muttered, then he started screaming.</p><p>“MICKEY! MICKEY HELP! MICKEY!”</p><p>The blood started to come faster as his heart beat accelerated from the fear, and he only saw Mickey’s panicked face for a second before passing out.</p><p>-</p><p>Mickey could barely think straight, fuck what happened? There was so much fucking blood.</p><p>Ian passed out almost as soon as Mickey got to him and he began to freak out. He grabbed the towels from the floor and pressed them against ian’s wrists.</p><p>“Ian wake up! Fuck wake up Ian, don’t you fucking dare tap out on me!” he urged as he held pressure on the wounds. </p><p>All of the shouting must have woken Carl up because Mickey suddenly heard the young man behind him.</p><p>“Holy shit, what the fuck happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know” Mickey said, choking back his tears and trying to keep his shit together. “Just go find my phone, call Sue and tell her to bring the fucking Ambulance!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ian and Mickey visit someone special</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aha I bet you thought I forgot about this series! The podcast has distracted me for a minute but this little fic deserved a final chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day Fiona left town Mickey and Ian were the ones who drove her to the airport. Everyone else had work and Mickey and Ian were still on their sick leave while Ian recovered and honestly Mickey said she could catch a fuckin Uber with the money she has but Ian and his threats of withholding sex are pretty good at getting Mickey to do what he wants.</p><p>So at an hour way too fucking early for a Saturday. (who books a 10am flight if they don’t have to then INSISTS on checking in two fucking hours early) They borrowed Debbie’s shitty car, Ian handed Mickey a thermous full of coffee and handed him the keys.</p><p>Mickey spent the whole ride letting the siblings talk with each other, making promises of future visits and more requent facetimes while he drove and tried to remember how much he and Ian had in their shared bank account because he fucking hated this car and would really like if they had one of their own.</p><p>He pulled up to the airport dropoff area and stayed in the car while Ian got out and hugged Fiona goodbye. She called him sweetface and kissed his cheek then leaned over and stuck her head in the passenger side window.</p><p>“Hey Milkovich.” She said with a little too much attitude for 8am at an airport. But when Mickey raised his eyebrows at her, her face softened into a smile.</p><p>“Thanks for takin such good care of him, of all of em.” She said in kind of a quiet voice, almost like she meant it.</p><p>Mickey scratched his eyebrow and shrugged. “They’re family. It’s what you do.”</p><p>Fiona let that comment pass but smiled at him still, “Gallagher-Milkovich It’s got a good ring to it.”</p><p>“Ain’t you gonna miss your flight or something?” Mickey said, not sure how to take in this sincerity from her. She was still pretty firmly on his shit list.</p><p>Fiona nodded and stood up, taking her bag from Ian and giving him one last hug before disappearing into the doors of the terminal.</p><p>Ian watched her go then got back in the car, looking over to Mickey and putting a hand on his leg.</p><p>“Thank you for driving us.” He said, squeezing Mickey’s thigh just a little bit. </p><p>“Yeah well someone may have threatened me with a month of blue balls if I didn’t” Mickey said with a smirk. “Buckle your ass up so I can take us back home to bed. Eight Am on a fuckin Saturday morning.”</p><p>Ian buckled in and waited for Mickey to start driving again before speaking again.</p><p>“About going home, you think we can make a short detour first?” He asked, biting his bottom lip the way he did when he was feeling just a little nervous. Mickey caught a glimpse of that face and any anger about losing saturday morning sleep melted away. </p><p>He sighed more dramatically then he needed to and looked over when they stopped at a red light. “Where is this detour exactly?”</p><p>“I uh...I’d like to visit Monica. Like we did for your mom? The cemetery is just a few minutes out of the way.”</p><p>Mickey would be lying if he said the mention of Ian’s mom didn’t worry him. Ian had only been home from the hospital for a few days and he was still adjusting to his new meds. He didn’t want anything to trigger Ian right now while he was still recovering.</p><p>But this was Ian’s decision and Mickey was going to treat him like an adult about it. So all he asked was.</p><p>“You sure?” risking a short glance over as he drove. And Ian nodded, putting his hand back on Mickey’s leg, grounding them both.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s been too long. I want to go see her.” Ian answered. Mickey nodded and opened his legs a little wider, shifting as close to Ian as he safely could while driving.</p><p>“Then sure. You know how to get me there?” He asked. And he saw the smile on his husband’s face out of the corner of his eye. Yeah. This was a good idea.</p><p>“Yeah Mick I’ll get us there”</p><p>------</p><p>They knelt walked up to the still broken headstone, Mickey reaching for Ian’s hand, linking their fingers together and offering all the silent support he could without being too ‘worried spouse’ about it all.</p><p>Ian squeezed Mickey’s hand and leaned against his shoulder as they stopped at the foot of Monica’s grave.</p><p>“Hey mom” Ian said softly, scrunching his nose up a little at the state of her headstone.</p><p>“Sorry it’s been a while. And that we still haven’t fixed that for you. Promise I’ll bring flowers next time to make up for it.”</p><p>Mickey nudged Ian a little bit to get his attention and gestured to the ground. Ian nodded and they both settled on the ground, Mickey putting his arm around his husband’s shoulders, offering him a space to lean on.</p><p>“Mom I can’t actually believe you’ve never met him before, but you remember the kid from the store? The one you took me dancing to try and get over a million years ago? Well I married him. This is Mickey.”</p><p>“Hey Monica” Mickey said to her, which made Ian chuckle.</p><p>“Yeah she was never exactly a Mrs Gallagher was she?” He commented, taking Mickey’s free hand and playing with his fingers. He took a deep breath and looked toward the broken stone as he spoke.</p><p>“Mom I know a lot of people like to compare us. Cause of our fucked up heads. But I work so hard not to put my family through the pain you did. And luckily for me I didn’t fall in love with a Frank. I got a Mickey.”</p><p>Ian felt tears welling up in his eyes and sniffled to try and stave them off. </p><p>“Fuck I wonder how much different your life would have been if you had a Mickey instead of a Frank.” He muttered, squeezing his husbands hand. Mickey responded by pulling Ian just a little bit closer, kissing his cheek and just reminding Ian he was there.</p><p>“But I am a little bit like you. In my worst parts, there you are. And those parts guarantee that I’m going to fuck up sometimes.”</p><p>Ian finally let some tears fall and didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I fucked up really bad recently. Almost lost it all.”</p><p>Ian sniffled. </p><p>“But I’m better now. I’m on my way back to myself again and I’m gonna keep going. I want to be a parent. A better parent then you ever were. I’m gonna make sure that I’m there when my kids take their first steps and need to go to the fucking doctor. And I’m gonna be there when they get married.”</p><p>Ian’s voice broke and Mickey took his hand back only to wipe away Ian’s tears with his sleeve. Which just made Ian cuddle closer to him.</p><p>“I really wish you could have been there. I wish you could see how much this man loves me.” Ian said, his tears starting to slow. He took a deep breath and Mickey finally spoke.</p><p>“I really do. Fuckin love him. And no offence Monica but I’m gonna take a lot better care of him than Frank ever did for you.” He promised the stone, squeezing Ian just a little tighter. </p><p>Ian nodded and spoke again.</p><p>“I love you mom. I’m always gonna love you. And I wish you were here still, I really do. But I’m gonna work every day to make sure to do better. I’ll follow the rules and take care of myself. Do some living for the both of us.”</p><p>Mickey nodded and kissed Ian’s temple. Leaning in to whisper to him, even though they were all alone in a cemetery at 9am on a saturday morning.</p><p>“I didn’t know her but I’ve heard enough to know she loved you. In her own fucked up way.”</p><p>Ian sniffled and nodded. He kissed his own hand and reached forward to touch it to Monica’s headstone.</p><p>“Love you Mom. Promise I’ll visit more, not gonna forget about you.”</p><p>Mickey gave Ian another minute to sit with her then he stood up, wiping off his jeans and holding out a hand to help Ian up.</p><p>“Should we go home?” He asked. And Ian looked up and smiled, really smiled at him. Fuck Mickey loved that smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah” Ian said, taking Mickey’s hand. “Take me home.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you like Shameless and Podcasts you should stream The Luck We Had Podcast: A Shameless Recap Podcast! Seasons 1-3 now available as well as Season 11 mini episodes!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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